In primary school, I was very active. I was the chief noisemaker in my class. I was also the prefect for my class, assigned to writing names of noise makers and submitting their names to our teachers for punishment. I even got into politics. In Junior High school, I vied for the position of girls’ prefect. After a fierce run-off, I lost to Fatima.
I had so much plan for my life in Senior High school. The lady who welcomed me, my mum and my aunt when we first arrived at Holy Child School looked like a half caste. The caliber of girls and cars I saw was much of an intimidation.
Then we started classes. My classmates had answers to almost every question any teacher could ask and it got me scared. How do these ladies know about almost everything? And how am I going to cope in this class?
So although I was excited about gaining admission to Holy Child School, my very active, talkative and confident self became intimidated and quiet. She changed!
I became timid and I stopped sharing my ideas even when it was a good one. I always felt one of my classmates had better ideas. I did not take up a lot of opportunities because I always believed there was someone more qualified than me.
My school offered a couple of career seminars, lessons on self belief and even sermons from Rev. Father George often encouraged us to believe in ourselves.
Then when I got admission into the university, the self-doubt got intense. I couldn’t imagine I will ever be chosen for an opportunity when so many people applied for it. I just believed there should be someone better somewhere but definitely not me.
In my final year, I identified I was not making the best out of my abilities. I realized I was bringing dishonor to my creator, the one who gave me the talents. So, I attended a lot of seminars that addressed this anomaly. I read self-development books and I consciously practiced what I read. I constantly affirmed God’s word. I accepted the truth that there will often be someone with better skills set than me and if this causes me not to make the best of my talents, then I was doing myself more harm than good and bringing dishonor to the one who gave me the talents.
It’s been a couple of months since I decided to use my talents no matter how bad they might be and it’s been a fulfilling journey. “My girls are capable” These were the words of my Headmistress in Holy Child School, Rev. Sister Josephine Anto. She told us this anytime she addressed us and these words keep ringing in my ears. Indeed, each of us is capable.
This journey of self belief is a process and it takes a conscious effort to achieve.
Were you once a lively child? Do you feel you’re now a boring adult?
Are you amazed by the stories you hear about your childhood adventures and wonder what happened to your former self?
Do you feel you could do better?
Which of your ideas and skills have you shut down because of unbelief, self doubt and discouragement?
Pick them up, treasure them and work with them.